Using Interventions For Narcissistic Personality Disorders.
Here is help for those involved with a narcissist
by Neil J Lavender, PhD
It is a real challenge to make changes in a one-way relationship with a self-centered narcissist. It’s all about them and never about you. Sometimes the best efforts fail. Getting an individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder into psychotherapy is in itself a small miracle. Moreover, even the best psychotherapists can be challenged when dealing with the narcissist.
But there is one more option that is slowly emerging onto the psychotherapy scene. One of the newer cutting-edge technologies being advocated by experts for helping individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is “the intervention”. Doing an intervention with your narcissistic other can be a difficult yet valuable strategy in dealing with highly resistant narcissistic people. Interventions can take a good deal of time, preparation, and resources, and note that with intervention, you risk terminating the relationship.
An intervention is a technique that was originally developed to break through the denial and resistance in a substance abuser who refuses to acknowledge her problem. Several key people in the substance abuser’s life—family members, friends, and the like—confront her with her problem, the pain she has caused them, and their concern for her well-being. They are usually aided by a professional trained in interventions. In some instances, a bed in a rehab center has previously been reserved, so the patient’s bags are already packed.
More recently, interventions have been used to break through the denial of people with eating disorders. The fact that it is a technique specifically designed to prevail over denial makes it a good choice for narcissists because denial is one of their key symptoms.
Here are the steps in implementing an intervention.
1. Enlist the aid of a professional. Interventions can be very stormy and emotional experiences. While it is possible to have an intervention without a professional, your chances are better with the help of an experienced practitioner.
2. Recruit your participants. These should be people who have some influence over the narcissist or people whom the narcissist has hurt in some way. Stick to about four or five people if you can.
3. Plan your intervention. The key participants should meet at least one time to plan the meeting without the narcissist’s knowledge. In this meeting, you need to set goals, like getting the narcissist to commit to psychotherapy. Develop talking points; everyone should have only one or two key things to say. Try to stick to those points without hitting the narcissist with everything under the sun. Remember to communicate compassion throughout the session and resist the temptation to withhold it for revenge. Plan strategies for what to do if and when the narcissist resists. Be prepared to apply a consequence if the narcissist insists on carrying on the same old, same old. Ending the relationship, litigating, or not participating in certain activities with the narcissist are some possibilities. Leverage is your ace in the hole.
4. During the intervention, stay calm, for things can get rough. Remember, this is a loving gesture done out of concern. Make it clear that ignoring the problem would have only hurt the narcissist. You may be surprised that this show of support actually touches the narcissist. Avoid labels and general sweeping statements. Use I-messages. Stay upbeat and helpful.
Experts on intervention with substance abuse vary in their reports on intervention effectiveness from 50 to 90 percent (with professional help). Statistics on intervention done with narcissists are not yet available.
The Institute for Advanced Studies in Personality and Psychopathology in Port Jervis, NY is a good starting place to set up a personal intervention
Web: http:/www.millon.net/index.htm
Taken from Lavender, N. and Cavaiola, A. (2011) The One-Way Relationship Workbook: Step-by-Step Help for Coping With Narcissists, Egotistical Lovers, Toxic Coworkers, and Others Who Are Incredibly Self- absorbed. (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)
Related articles
- The Healthy Side of Narcissism (psychologytoday.com)
- Lack of Empathy: The Most Telling Narcissistic Trait (psychologytoday.com)
nlavender
nlavender
February 6, 2012 at 1:48 pm
Thanks, very insightful!
Paula
February 9, 2012 at 12:23 pm
I think this is a great approach if you are a spouse of a narcissist and have children with the narcissist. But if the narcissist in your life is a co-worker, friend, or lover with no other ties to you legally or physically, I can see this approach backfiring.
Narcissists are users and manipulators. The narcissist I walked away from 12 months ago would have laughed at everyone in the room and declared them all dead to him, even if his mother or brother were one of these people (which I doubt they would participate because they, too, lack empathy to help even a relation.) He would have resorted to name calling and disclosing secrets of the participants that he knew would hurt them if ever revealed.
I would love to read success stories about this approach. I’d love to be proven wrong, because there is no law against being a narcissist, but they leave destruction and pain in their wake. Thanks for the post.