The Most Dangerous Personality Disorder Of Them All

16 Feb

Wanna buy a bridge??

More Personality Disorders 101

Anyway, I have been talking about some of the basics about  personality disorders. You might want to look those over before we continue.

Almost all individuals with personality disorders can be manipulative and deceptive in their own ways; you never seem to get what you bargained for.  But there is one type of personality disorder that stands out even among these and that is Antisocial Personality Disorder.

No, these are not shy people who sit in the corner at parties. These are individuals with a corrupt conscience or even no conscience at all. This disorder is usually found in men but in our society we seem to see a growing number of women with this disorder. Sometimes they are known as sociopaths or psychopaths.

Antisocial personality disorder is a bona fide psychological disorder in which a person has a history of manipulation, exploitation, and violation of the rights of others. Many of these individuals are habitual criminals,  but most of them seem to fly beneath the radar. Then, they can be found in all walks of life. and when you encounter them, they can do some serious damage.

Here are some of the dangers:

First off, they perceive you as simply an extension of their needs; it’s all about what you can do for them and believe me, they are full on determined to get what they want from you even if they have to break every rule: sex, money, your possessions—including your loved ones—and your status and position in life. They will not feel guilt as they feel that they are entitled. Their motto seems to be “screw others before they screw you.”

Secondly, they can be highly charismatic, witty, flattering and charming. They can be highly energetic and magnetic, we seem to be drawn to them. They seem to win our confidence ( indeed, they have been referred to as confidence men or simply con men).  Unlike the criminal type we might expect, they won’t come blasting into your life with a six shooter; they most likely will come into your life with a six pack and a huge amount of charm. Hey, why don’t we get together for a drink? I really admire you”. You will find yourself wanting  to be their friend! You can be very savvy and still be calm by one of these. I have worked with individuals with antisocial personality disorder for over 35 years, even have studied and written about them and yet was manipulated by one not too long ago managed to sting  me for over $2000!!.

Worst yet, this  individual believes that their symptoms are actually virtues! For example, if you tell them that they are manipulative, they might retort that they are simply smart and know how to cut a good deal. Or assert that the world is manipulative so why shouldn’t he be. Or that their victim is simply evil and deserved it. How do you do psychotherapy under these conditions? Fat chance.

Finally, you should know that this disorder is next to impossible to cure; it should be seen as a lifelong condition that might attenuate in some ways as the person becomes much older, but it never really seems to go away.

So what is the answer? Well for starters, get to know the type. There are a lot of good books out there about the topic as well as some great websites. The best defense is to simply keep them out of your lives and to know how they work. And remember, if the guy seems too good to be true, he probably is.


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9 responses to “The Most Dangerous Personality Disorder Of Them All

  1. Carol Fain

    February 16, 2011 at 11:25 pm

    I am dealing with a family member with signs of this disorder.
    It is so difficult to approach them,because they feel above reproach and turn it around to suit there way of thinking.
    I have learned so much from this information you are providing…it is way cheaper than going to my personal”SHRINK”!

    • nlavender

      February 17, 2011 at 6:04 pm

      Hey Carol
      Always so nice to hear from you. Thanks for the commentary. I am going to be talking about all the different types of personality disorders. Stay tuned. Writing about them helps me too!
      With Love,

  2. Carol Fain

    February 16, 2011 at 11:26 pm

    Thanks for the wonderful enlightening info.

  3. Alone and Sad

    May 15, 2011 at 5:17 am

    Wow!! Your blog describes my Mother, my ex husband, my ex boyfriend and presently my newest soon to be ex boyfriend! I’m hoping that I have not developed or inherited any of these types of traits or passed them on to my kids. Last thing I would want is to be anything like any of them!!!

  4. Barbara

    November 2, 2011 at 11:16 pm

    Narcissism is just a hop skip & jump to Psychopathy. They are on the same spectrum and that spectrum only moves in one direction.

    • nlavender

      November 3, 2011 at 7:58 am

      I have always looked at them as first cousins! N.L.

  5. seanymph007

    April 3, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Thanks for the informative and helpful article; and especially the info on how to protect/defend yourself from these types (identification then avoidance). If you please, could you also add some suggestions on how to help these various personality types as well. Many of us here are family members who could use some “tips & tricks” on how to help people with personality disorders to re-balance/correct these destructive/negative personality traits.

    I’ve learned a few tricks… i.e. exposing antisocials to victims of extreme manipulation/exploitation and watching for “the one” who really gets to the antisocial; then pairing them up in group therapy or a project; so that the anti-social personally experiences the suffering of exploitation while working with/listening to the victim, therby getting to “feel” the effects of exploitiion first hand.
    Personal exposure, at close proximity to victims (human and/or animal) seems to be a key factor in an atisocials transistion to becoming more humane in thier dealings with others. It’s may/may not be a long process, and often must be forced upon the anti-social, but in my experience it can change an anti-social person for the better, sometimes completely, and occasionally ‘in an instant’; (Prisoners confronting the mothers of thier murder victims; Teen deliquents stsying weekends iin an adult jail setting; DUI offenders working being forced to work in an ER or morgue; etc.).

    In the same manner; isolation from the problems and sufferings (and the community spirit) of others, is a huge contributing factor in the creation of antisocial tendancies, whether it be within our youth’s self-absorbed culture, or from social isolation caused by distance/location, oldage/infirmity, culture/language barrier, lack transportation, lack of a common interest/theme, lack of a gathering place, lack of family/community involvement, etc. Finding avenues to connect ‘personally’ with one-anothers joys AND sufferings, seems to be one key to balancing our personalities.


  6. Miles

    April 17, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Is there a term for a controlled psychopath/person with ASPD? Or is that just your average person? It would be foolish to think that anything you do is not at it’s most base level for yourself, and that you engage in relationships with any other base purpose than to suit your own needs and wants. Of course, for a functioning relationship, there is give and take, as the other person is also in it for themselves. So, what I’m trying to get at, could you really say that there is anything different between your average person and an antisocial person other than a differene in the value they assign to people?

  7. Elsie

    December 25, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    Wow This is so Right On!!! Never knew about this kind of disorder?? Interesting, Well I been married to one for 27 Years Holy Cow….. I had it with him, Searching ways to deal with it,but impossible…


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